It`s Just Enough To Steal My Heart And Run

Hi.

Fuck.

Well, that about sums it up.

What the hell did I do today? NOTHING, absolutely nothing. I had a very restless sleep and when I finally decided to wake up at around 11, nothing spectacular happened. Got on the computer, walked aimlessly around my house and then finished off my book - The Doomsday Key. My afternoon was relatively productive. Ended up conversing with Megan (whom I feel the need to call @exot3ch - thanks Twitter), and working on the outline of our STORYSTORYSTORY. Now hopefully we can write more freely!

After that I napped, yea because I have nothing better to do. This evening I found myself eating dinner (carrots and dip), watching Made of Honor and reading "Love the One You're With."

I'm just sayin' right now....why the hell do I delve into the whole romantic thing every once in a while. I'm perfectly content not having it in my life and then I just go on these giant kicks. Then it depresses me...not because I want a boyfriend or anything, but because I realize that I look like one of those sad, pathetic girls in the movies who sits in front of the tv all night, being all mopey while eating a tube of ice cream. However, no tube of ice cream for me...just the 100 calorie Rolo ice cream bars from my freezer...sooooooo good!

After I finish this blog, I'll resume that spot in front of the tv, with my blanket and book. I really...HAVE NO LIFE. I can't get over that fact. I'm hording my money for my vacation and any emergency that might arise. I use the word arise since Megan and I discussed it today and it has stuck with me.

I think I would like some romance in my life though. Not because I want and or need a guy calling me cute and taking me out to dinner, but because, I then have a reason to shave my legs. How sad is that? I won't shave my legs because I have no one to impress....oh man. At this point I'll settle for a job, any excuse to find my feminine side.

I think what scares me the most is that I'm comfortable. I remember breaking up with Alex and I didn't think I'd ever be "ok" alone again. I thought I'd never get used to not having anyone to share a bed with or someone to say goodnight and good morning to. I just didn't think I'd be functional...even though everyone assured me that life does go on (which is by the way, the worst saying ever and I will never say that to any friend going through a breakup). Now, here I am, been officially out of a relationship for quite some time now, and I feel fine. It's actually kind of annoying. What's even more annoying is that I'm actually anti relationship at the moment. I'm enjoying the "single" life, I guess you'd say, even though lately I just replace the word "single" with "no." I just DON'T want to get to the point where I feel "lonely" and like I'll never find love again. I mean, don't get me wrong, we all have those "lonely" days, but you know what I mean. I'm a person who is scared of the unfamiliar and in a lot of scenarios, I'll admit defeat before I've even attempted. I know, it's pathetic...and I said A LOT OF, not ALL.

I'm rambling... look it, read a chick lit and watch a romantic comedy and look what happens. I'm so lame.

I'm sad that my favourite people have to live so far and I'm hoping that in the distant future someone will be like "Jessica, I want to come to Canadaland and visit you!" Realistically, that someone has to be Megan *cough cough*. Seat sales from SD are stupidly cheap sometimes, plus she isn't tied down AND she has a passport. It's kind of meant to be.

Also, who loves Will Ferrell and FREEDOM FRIES? I sure friggin do.

I miss Forks...which I know I say way too often, but it's true. I don't know what it was about hanging out in a motel room full of spiders and other crawly insects, but something about that place was freaking magical. I'm chalking it up to a combination of being with Megan for a week, being located next to the bar and grocery store, being in a small town (I live for small towns), the ridiculously good looking Navy guys and the scenery.

Basically, I live for the simplicity that was that vacation. There were no places to be or people to see. We didn't have to dress to impress or work at finding fun and laughter. It all came so easily. It's not often that you can venture away from home and find happiness in a town of 3000 in a musty old motel room. It made for amazing memories.

I think that's what has sparked my interest in doing a road trip across North America. I mean, it's always been something that I've been interested in. A lot of my family has done stuff like that before, but now it's something I REALLY want to do! The idea of experiencing small town America really intrigues me. Not really knowing where you're gonna end up from day to day is kind of thrilling. Plus, it's awesome to see how the west differs from the east and the south and so on. planplanplan

I wish my stupid friends would blog. How can I stalk them if there is nothing to stalk? I live on Facebook/Twitter/Blogspot...hell, I even update my msn/skype frequently. Right now my skype status speaks of carrots on steroids. SO TRUE. I open the bag of carrots tonight and look inside and the front of the bag reads "baby carrots," but when you look inside, these things are larger than fingers. I also found two carrots melded together to form a very perfect "V." I automatically referenced Black Dagger Brotherhood.

I also JUST fucking discovered that my television has stop and start or whatever...Iunno what Americans call it - Tivo? DVR? Whatever it is, my tv has it too. I was at Sam's and absolutely STUNNED that she could rewind and all this cool stuff, then I realize MY TV DOES THAT TOO. I'm like "sweet, I can pause and go for a smoke, or to eat, or to pee." I think I felt how Christopher Columbus felt when he discovered North America.

I need to drink more watah

I need to exercise

I need to clean and pack

I need to unpack my suitcase

I need to buy 17 Again on Tuesday

I often replace all of those "needs" with "shoulds."

Is it just me or does anyone else think that I have the stupidest, most RANDOM blogs ever? I think if I tried to keep with one topic, I'd fail miserably. I'm looking at my night stand right now and it consists of vampire novels and European travel books. HOW WEIRD!...oh and Aquafina chapstick and a Blink 182 patch that I've had since I was like... 14.

I kind of think Jacob deserves a more prominent place in my room. His poor self, in the closet with the rest of my junk.

I think I should probably end this and go watch Sense and Sensibility! So excited that I finally own it on DVD. $5.00, thank you Target!

This song is really depressing but gorgeous, I don't know if I've already added it to my blog in the past... here it is, lyrics and all!

"Hurricane"

I felt the
Faint trace of thunder
Rattle this old house
I saw the fire light the sky
But there's no sign of rain anywhere

I need a hurricane
To empty out this place
Seems it's the only way
To salvage any sense I have left
To move on

I'm waiting
To hear your voice again
And lighten up this heart
I'm holding on to stupid memories
But I see you in every little thing

I need a hurricane
To straighted out this place
It maybe the only way
To salvage any sense I have left
To move on

I need a hurricane
To ravage through place
I think it's the only way
To salvage any sense
I have left
To move on

I felt the
Faint trace of thunder
But there's no sign of rain anywhere
No, there's no sign of you anywhere