o4;29;o6
It's been decades since my last entry and its not that ive been neglecting it...its just been that ive been so busy with other things in my life. I just wrapped up the production of Cinderella Wore Combat Boots and it was AMAZING! It was soooo much fun and although i'm upset that drama is actually over for the rest of my high school career, i am very very happy. maybe now i can actually get back to my life and start focusing on social. i'm failing that class horribly and its the only class that i need to graduate. I had the wrap up party for the production last friday at my house and it turned out to be not to bad. Somewhat of a gong show but hey...i can deal. Some of the people that were there kind of reminded me of myself 5 years ago. One girl who was there ended up getting pretty drunk and started bawling and confessing her true feelings for some boy. she claimed she "loved" him and that it was "sooooo real"...and i thought this to be extremely hilarious and immature however i can totally empathize because i used to be like that in junior high. lol 13 years old and crying over some loser who i had talked to once or twice in my life. yep im sure ive claimed that i loved a guy a dozen times in my life. Every other week i had some crush who i was convinced was my soul mate. needless to say i GREW UP and totally got out of that phase. i dont resent the girl at my party at all though for doing what she did and kind of being a downer to the party because she is new to the social situation, like VERY new. So i just ignored her all night and let her sit in her corner and cry. Then there was also the issue of the bff that night. I'm telling you i do NOT know how someone has the ability to cry for 7 hours. and im not just talking about *sniff sniff*...im talking about full fledged wailing. I think she was crying for purposes that even she herself didnt understand. life...love...happiness. yea it was all in there. anyways its always good to comfort them in their time of need. and obviously she needed to be comforted because she rarely cries but maybe next time i'll just make sure she doesn't milk the bottle like its the last cow on earth.
Last sunday i went to scary movie 4...needless to say i didnt think to much of it in the first place so i definatly wasnt let down. i'm not really a fan of the scary movie series. i enjoy the first one and thats about it. I usually like to write about what i bought and what i did and all that stuff but its been so freaking long since ive wrote that i cant even remember. I bought some skirts for california from Old Navy...their cute. i love them. and i bought the Tiesto cd. its sweet although for some reason i like disc one better than disc 2. next week is the drama festival and that will most likely be super exciting. after that is cali, bday and grad. im not sure which im most excited about. I bought my banquet tickets but i still havent ordered my hotel and its getting close to crunch time. all the hotels are quickly being all booked and if thats the case come june 2nd then im going to be super pissed. i mean seriously. who wants to get super wasted and then just go back to the rents house afterwards...not i. so hopefully i can get that shit sorted out soon. i just wish brianna would get her poop in a group cause although i want to go with her more than anything and it would be super fun...im kind of regretting it. ive already given up so much going with her and now im sacrificing even more as time drags on. its not solely her fault because her source of income is her family but when she does get money in her hands it disappears. if she could just learn to cut back...maybe she would be able to help save some money cause even if she couldnt scrounge up money for the hotel and shit, she still has to buy stuff for her grad outfit AND she needs money for the actual grad night cause shes not going to get drunk off of her good looks. well she might be able to but it would be safe to not slut around in order to get drunk. so hopefully everything pulls itself together. if things dont work out with her there is ALWAYS other options. i dont want to resort to them but if im not happy with the way things are looking by the time i leave for california then i will probably start making new plans. i do not want to ditch her but everytime i give her deadlines, she never meets them. and i dont think im being unreasonable by saying that i want to be reassured for grad. so yea, im really hoping that shit gets sorted out. its a good thing i bought an extra banquet ticket cause if things fall through with bri and i, she'll still have barbara but at least i can invite someone else. The boyfriend wont go to my grad. asshole. he just hates social functions. but i dont really care cause it is a night to celebrate my school life and i think you should do that with people who have been involved with your education. and needless to say, although bri and i have only known eachother for this year, we still have all of our options and all of that together. We're both die hard drama and choir nerds so i want to celebrate grad with her because in the future if i want to start my own career or something she'll probably be involved since we like the same things. and she might not get to come out for my 18th birthday so i really want her there for grad.
soooo on a way more serious note. ive had some health issues lately and i really truly thought that i might be pregnant so i went to the clinic to have a pregnancy test andddddddd it turned out to be negative. i'm telling you it was one of the most scariest five minutes of my life. i was just sitting there in this little room with my dear friend nikki and she was holding my hand and we were just waiting and waiting and waiting. it felt like an eternity and as soon as the nurse walked in and gave me the news, i was sooo happy. and although i was so sure that if i was pregnant that i would have an abortion however looking at it now, i dont know if i could do it. my beliefs on the subject tend to contradict because i really truly do not believe on killing anything living. i dont care if your a serial killer that murdered 15 women or if your a little embryo...you are a living being. however when i look at the state of the world we live in today, i cringe. You've got drug dealers killing innocent people with deadly needles on every street corner, corrupt government systems, horrible environmental conditions... who would want to bring anything into this world. and although it is my dream to have kids someday...sometimes it makes me think about if its worth it. and if indeed i did bring a child into this world, i would want them to have the best life possible. what could me - a 17 year old girl who has just graduated high school offer a kid. They are your responsibility for the rest of your life. I also couldnt give my child up for adoption because ive seen first hand many many kids that are foster kids or adopted children and they just have these huge puzzle pieces missing in their lives and it creates this uncertainty for them. and i wouldnt want my child to have to go through that. to have to wonder WHY their real mother gave them up...if she really loved them. yes yes yes, its a lot to ponder and im very happy that i was in fact NOT pregnant because i am NOT ready.
To talk about something else...im watching the flames game right now and we're winning. I rarely watch the games but Nikki and alex got me all excited so i decided to watch it tonight. i usually check the scores in the paper and what not but im just not that big of a fan when it comes to watching the games unless its live. ughhh I HATE BANDWAGON JUMPERS. you know those people who dont give a damn all season long whether or not the flames lose or win but then the second the play offs start, its like their the flame's number one fans. and although it is good to support something like your home team, however do it all year long.
so i leave this blog entry with two hopes... the first one being that everything turns out perfect for grad and the second one being that i never have to go through the chance of something unknown and unwanted again.
Current Time: 10:35pm
Current Mood: Groggy...blah
Current Song: Color My Eyes - Dj Tiesto
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o4;12;o6
GUESS WHAT TODAY IS!?!?!? one month till cali and one one week till opening night of the show. I'm excited and highly anticipating everything. I just wish it would hurry up and get here already. SOOO my life consists of grad and the play right now cause im cool. I just want everything to turn out perfect for grad so ive turned into this sketchy bizarre freak-o woman to make sure that everything is done. Mother wont let me buy shoes off the internet. since i would most likely be buying from that states, she says its a waste of money when were just going there soon. I went shopping with craptacular brianna today and bought her grad shoes. Actually i decided that their not going to be her grad shoes but rather something else shoes like possibly bar shoes or something. anyways today got me thinking about other things that i had somewhat been neglecting. like my bra...yea i dont know whats going on in that department. andddd my purse andddd accesories. i kinda forgot about that crap. I also need to get on ordering my id asap so that i can actually go to the bar on my birthday.
in other news...i won five bucks on a scratch ticket...oh the joys of life.
this weekend is easter and im super excited cause i super love holidays. especially easter cause i think its the prettiest holiday. Valentines shmalentines. pink and red and white and all that shit....pretty but not for me. i like the pastels and crap. and easter means chocolate and candy and all that stuff that makes your teeth rot.
here comes peter cotton tail
hopping down the bunny trail
hippity hoppity easter's on its way
bringing all the girls and boys
baskets full of easter joys
hippity hoppity easter's on its way
i applied for a position as a camp counsellor today. i heard about it through vida. This is such a good job for me and i filled it out and all that and then what happens... brianna starts filling out the same form and she says to me "do you really want to go for 8 hours of medical training on June 3rd and eight hours on June 4th?" i didnt read the sheet all the way and BTW june 2-4 is when im booking my grad hotel so i dont want to be taking no cpr courses. AHHHHHH ALSKDJAGSLDKGJALSDGAJLSDKJG. IHATEMYLIFE.
Current Time: 11:05pm
Current Mood: Anxious
Current Song: That easter song
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o4; o9; o6
MY COMPUTER IS A PIECE OF SHIT! Its pretty much broken which means i cant work on piczo or anything. I got my dresses in the mail. YAYYYYYYY!!! They turned out so gorgeous, i love em. They only need to be altered in one spot and its no big deal but other than that they fit wonderfully. Now that they have arrived i've become even more excited with stuff going on. I'm pretty much just super excited for the entire night. and although i do have a crap load of expenses, it will be all worth it. the following is a price list that i worked out although its just a rough guess...
dress x2 - $200.00
shoes - $50.00
earrings - $10.00
necklace - $15.00
gloves - $30.00 ?
tiara - $50.00
nails - $50.00
makeup - $20.00
hotel - $100.00
extras - $100-$200
I'm pretty sure that guess will be way off but i want some idea. i was actually planning on buying most of that stuff in california so the prices could be way different. for instance, i could find shoes for like twenty bucks or maybe i see some handmade necklace for thirty but who knows. i was planning on buying nikki and bri something down there to for grad. like some sort of accessory they could wear for grad, however i think im just going to look for one for nikki. i was planning on getting bri one but as far as i know, were not doing anything for grad which is fine by me cause nikki wants to go to the bar and so do i. i cant rely on bri to actually not annoy me enough to the point where we can make plans and stick to them. she spent the entire weekend at my house and although on friday it got off to a shaky start seeing as how i was fuming at something she did to really piss me off but when we actually met up, i was like "ok i can let this get the best of me and scream at her all night orrrr i can just try and have a good time" and good time i had up until about thirty seconds before she left. i dont need shit like that in my life. since the start of my blogs, i have posted about how me and bri are fighting or not fighting and its getting so lame. i believe that without the feeling of deep dislike or maybe even hate, you cannot feel love but i spend half of our friendship hating her and OH MY FUCK. so pretty much fuck it. im not going to waste my time hating her or anything. she wasnt a priority in my life after i forgave her and i make her one this weekend and try and build things up even more and then it just gets shot to shit. i feel like she wants to fight. like she needs it or something. every other time i talk to her shes mad at her mom or barbara's a bitch or this or that and shes constantly fighting and sure me and my dad get pissed at eachother lots but its no big deal. i dont fight with my friends, or hardly anyone else for that matter. she needs to realize that i love her and although she pushes my buttons and i scream and want to kill her, im still making an effort to hang out with her and everything because in fact i DO want to be friends. its a slow going process and it takes time to start over but i saw potential and she talked about how our biggest flaw is the frustration we have towards eachother and the fights it cause and how we need to overcome it but i see nothing happening here. we just fight more. so where does a person draw the fucking line. i say to her "im not hanging out with you on grad cause your to unreliable" and she acts like she doesnt give two shits when infact, she cared so much that i went out of my way to make nikki realize that brianna had to be part of my plans for grad night because i did indeed want her there. and so now today i just have to tell nikki "fuck brianna she doesnt want to go to the bar with us or anything cause shes back to being all pissy" grrr that woman pisses me off. and usually i say things to balance it out...like ying and yang but tonight i just feel like its all bad cause im so pissed that i really want grad plans confirmed by the end of the week and she had to go and be a bitch and piss me off resulting in her getting cut from the plans altogether. FUCKKKKKKK. in reality, without hate or haste talking. i do fucking still want to be friends with her and i do fucking want to hang out with her on grad but i wish she would get trampled by 1000 llamas first or something cause i need a good laugh.
so boobs and bras...i need a strapless bra for grad but i hate strapless bras cause they never stay up, they just make my boobs look weird and stuff and they look much better braless but since the dress is a little big, im scared i'll throw my arms in the air and it will just come down. omg i would never live that down. lol. so i was thinking of those gel ones but my mom says they suck so im kinda at a loss. WHAT DO I DO
i need a new digital camera...asap. what island do you think santa is vacationing on right now cause i need to find him to tell him what i
Current Time: 10:24
Current Mood: Very annoyed
Current Song: Take The Stairs ( Angels and Airwaves )
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o4; o4; o6
Oh my gee, its already April..where has the time gone. I keep looking and i cant find it and then i when i try and slow down and evaluate everything i find myself running to catch up with time. Life is passing by and im not getting any younger which is why i need to get a move on. Mainly with school but most likely a few other things as well. first of all i would like to say that tonight at 1 in the morning something really cool will happen. well probably not really cool but im a geek and i found it entertaining so i shall share it. as everyone knows tomorrow will be April the fifth... written o4; o5; o6 now tonight at 1:02am...the date and time will look like this:
combined with the date it looks like this:
01:02:03:04:05:06
its been a long slow going process but the end result will be magnificent. anyyyways right after that comes a choir concert which i find myself meticulously preparing for. and then the week after that i'm going to the drama festival at the u of c which will be a great learning adventure. and then comes...CALIFORNIA BABY! i guess you could say im a little excited. anywho...cali for a while, im not sure how many days and then right after i get back i have nails and hair and all that crap to do to prepare for my b-day and grad. My birthday is May24th and whos excited !?!?!?!? seriously - i can hardly contain myself. legal age. I pretty much have a week planned for just going to the bar. soo after that comes grad and YES im on the grad list. why wouldnt i be, i have well over enough credits to graduate. speaking of grad - i bought my grad dress and i love it to bits. My mother actually bought three grad dresses. Two for me and one for Nikki. the one that im wearing to the banquet is all red and formal and cuteee shit and the one that im wearing to aftergrad or the bar or wherever i go is 50's and its sooo pretty. its the most simple dress possible so its easy to make it unique and all gorgeous. more about what im wearing and doing and all that later. In other news, i am the biggest movie nerd ever and i love watching and buying dvd's and i counted my collection the other day and i well exceed over 100 which is pretty neat. i watched Pride & Prejudice last night and to be brutally honest...it was a bore. it progresses way to slow and doesnt have enough mini climax's in the movie to keep you interested. although Keira Knightley proves that she can suit any role and does an amazing job conveying her emotions in this movie, its not one that i would list as my favorites. however something about it made me watch it till the very end with some interest so maybe it was a good movie. Brokeback Mountain comes out today as well as Chronicles of Narnia i believe and Narnia was an awesome movie to see in theatres however im not to sure how good it will be to watch at home on my small tv. I havent seen Brokeback Mountain but i love Jake Gyllenhal and Heath Ledger. their some pretty amazing actors. Donnie darko...WATCH IT. so yea im excited to see that movie to say the least. and onto inspirational songs. if you have not heard this song or listened to the lyrics in this song, i highly recommend that you do. Michael's voice in the song has so much emotion and it just makes you think about whats going on around you. download it NOW.
Michael Jackson's "Man In The Mirror"
I'm Gonna Make A Change,
For Once In My Life
It's Gonna Feel Real Good,
Gonna Make A Difference
Gonna Make It Right . . .
As I, Turn Up The Collar On My Favourite Winter Coat
This Wind Is Blowin' My Mind
I See The Kids In The Street,
With Not Enough To Eat
Who Am I, To Be Blind?
Pretending Not To See
Their Needs
A Summer's Disregard,
A Broken Bottle Top
And A One Man's Soul
They Follow Each Other On The Wind Ya' Know
'Cause They Got Nowhere To Go
That's Why I Want You To Know
I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place
(If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place)
Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change
(Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change)
(Na Na Na, Na Na Na, Na Na, Na Nah)
I've Been A Victim Of A Selfish Kind Of Love
It's Time That I Realize
That There Are Some With No Home, Not A Nickel To Loan
Could It Be Really Me, Pretending That They're Not Alone?
A Willow Deeply Scarred,
Somebody's Broken Heart
And A Washed-Out Dream
(Washed-Out Dream)
They Follow The Pattern Of The Wind, Ya' See
Cause They Got No Place To Be
That's Why I'm Starting WithMe
(Starting With Me!)
i didnt add all of the lyrics cause its a long song and theres a lot of na-na's and oooooooo's and background this and thats so i thought id give the jist of it. but its such a good song. i love it x 3. In the past little while i have read both Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code and NO they are NOT the first books that i have read by Dan Brown. As far as controversy's and speculation and what if's go, i must say that Da Vinci Code was better but for adventure and more on the edge of your seat type book i LOVED Angels & Demons. The thing that i really enjoyed about both books was that the history within them spanned centuries however the actual time the book took place in was about a 24-hour time period. so i read those and now im just waiting for the movie to come out although i will be in cali on opening night but whatever. So this bri thing has taken flight again and who knows when it will come crashing back down but we'll just have to see. i dont have time for sentimentals and hate and shit at the moment so i'll leave it at that.
Current Time: 11:14pm
Current Mood: Anxious...grad dress please come soon
Current Song: Man In The Mirror (Michael Jackson)
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