February 2006

And more old posts....this time they're from February 2006


o2;28;o6



Where the crap did February go? Infact, where is my life going. I feel like i pushed fast forward when it comes to my life and now im watching it go by. Don't get me wrong, i have no regrets. my life has been pretty amazing thus far considering i never had high hopes for myself but i still sit in awe trying to remember all the good memories as well as the bad. i figure if i live my life only concentrating on all the good stuff then i would never really know that it is actually good. We distinguish the difference between good and bad. if there was no bad, there would be no good. no up without a down. everything has a balance and i realize that in order to savour the good moments in life, i must realize what the bad ones are. i live my life in the moment and i'm not going to lie, but maybe i live my life so in the moment that after that momet passes it leaves my memory forever. is that a way to live a life? Just the other day i was sitting and reminiscing with an old friend and we were talking about crazy stuff that we've done and she brought up this time where her, Nikki and i had drank one night and she had ended up kicking me out with Nikki. We were going to go to some guy's house to sleep and we had been wandering the streets for an hour seeing as how i couldnt go home or else i'd be caught in a lie. Anyways in the distance Nikki and i had heard someone screaming my name and it turned out it was Megan in hysterics about my dad phoning and all this stuff. Anyways it was a pretty crazy night to say the least but i had no memory of it. In the balance of my life, i thought i had everything worked out but now im realizing that i dont. for every crazy ass thing that i've done hanging out with friends, i've also spent that much time by myself whether it be reading a book or watching a movie. for everytime i said hate, i said the word love. i have had complete balance in my life except for one area. i have never just stopped. I am always going. even when im not actually going, i am. i never recollect or ponder. i just do. i use my instinct to the fullest and never do i stop. some people in life have the opposite problem that i do. they live their whole life stopped. My friend Brianna is one of those people that is stopped. I never blamed her for it but i never tried to put it into clear perspective for her either. she is always over analyzing every single thing she does. i think she has her best interests at heart because i know she wants to be happy, but you can always tell the shes never really happy. maybe i shouldnt use the word happy, but shes never really comfortable. How do you describe someone that is mentally challenged? you would probably say that they rely on other people to make all of their decisions for them because they are incapable of doing so. Brianna is in a sense retarded and not because she was born like that but because shes stopped. Sometimes i feel so sorry for her because i know what shes misssing out on and then sometimes im so rude by getting pissed off because i feel like im stopping my life to help her out with hers. Have you ever met someone that said to you "i cant dance"? of course you have people say it all the time. but i know that when bri says it, she means it. maybe she can dance but i really know she cant because of what her mind tells her. it is the biggest force in her life that is working against her. she lets her mind take hold and grasp the words that her family says to her which degrades her. she lets her mind take the "what ifs" of every situation and multiply them by a thousand so that she is so helpless that she lets others make decisions for her. this girl has the biggest heart ever and yet she is so powerless against her mind. it is because of that, which is what makes her who she is today. she is the best of the best and i know what she is capable of. if she used her mind to her advantage and got motivated and got the rightfully deserved self-confidence, she could have so much more. When it comes to my heart she happens to be my best friend who i cherish beyond belief but when it comes to my mind, she is just a helpless creature who needs sanctuary from herself. maybe i can help her and maybe i cant. maybe theres nothing wrong with her at all. all i know is that my life wont stop but i can slow it down to catch to catch a breath and i really hope the brianna can catch up to me because it would be wonderful to graduate and experience everything else in the world with her. anyways getting back to the center. im thinking about this stuff because my 18th birthday is in 3 months and its pretty unbelievable. soon i'll have a diploma and i'll be checking the box that says "adult". pretty crazy to think about but its exciting. so end of february and beginning of march. so many birthdays. not sure exact dates but heres a few b-days off the list

Shayla

Grandma

Auntie Michelle

Auntie Kelly

Brianna

Reanna

Angelica

Brittney

theres a ton more but i cant think. so lately i've been slacking x 100000 when it comes to school. woops. i went to see date movie and final destination 3 in the past two days. both mediocre movies. blahh anyways this is getting boring and i need to do my page...and homework... and the list goes on..........=\



Current Time: 8:36

Current Mood: Frustrated

Current Song: Brand New Colony (The Postal Service<3)



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o2;22;o6



I have had 8 days off to do whatever I wanted and what do i end up doing? I end up staying home sicker than paris hilton's panties. I start school again tomorrow. I'm not excited. Its weird cause usually i love school and friends and everything and lately i just feel like school is such a huge drag. I settled things with the douchebag...aka brianna. They wont be settled forever but maybe for a while at least. It's weird how the people you hate or the people you consider enemies, are the ones you rarely speak to and rarely fight with. Obviously something triggered your hate towards them at some point in your life but now their just people with a bad label. It's the ones that you cherish and think about, that you battle with. maybe out of love or difference of opinion, but in the end shouldn't love out way it all? I suppose not as long as everyone has a point of view and a mind of their own. Anyways life is good, everything has been smooth sailing minus the freaking sickness and jasdlkasdj F***ing ZELDA. AHHHHH i cant get pass this boss and it makes me throw my controller and stomp all around. and then turn off my game without saving. damnit all to hell. why the heck havent my dang grad pics or exam marks come in the mail yet?



postman, fedex, mail stealer...whoever you are, if you read this please give me my damn mail. asap mmkay?



bedtime now. school in 6 hours.



Current Time: 1:58pm

Current Mood: Exhausted

Current Song: Kiss Me Deadly - Lita Ford



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o2;15;o6



What exactly are you doing right now? Do you ever wonder what someone else is doing at this exact second? I'm just sitting here typing on the computer. but what is George bush doing? is he typing on the computer to?... life is puzzling. So i havent really gone to school in the past few days. mainly because i so badly want to drop english and career. I only need social now to graduate so i'm pretty much just concentrating on that particular class. I bought Zelda(the wind waker) last weekend and yea i know its a pretty old game considering...its still sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. oh how i am addicted. I also bought harvest moon and the Metric cd. Metric how you make my pants tingle. yes mam. their coming to calgary. April 4th i believe. tickets anyone? i know i dont have mine yet. What else exciting has happened in my life lately? o0o0o0oh it was mothers birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMMMMMMM. oh how i love her. shes an old one now. yea right. old shmold, shes still so young compared to my friends moms. I must say she is a pretty cool mom. So for the next six days i plan on doing NOTHING. it will be sweet. Maybe i shall hang out with nikki and whoever else. fucking nikki. she still hasnt seen my new house yet. oh how i'll kill her. Brianna came to my house once i think or twice. i dont know but my room was a disaster and now that its all pretty and done shes being a cow again.. i want to get this webpage shit complete. why do i put this last on my list all the damn time? al;sdkgjalsgjalskjgalksguoi24309658q0392864093486lkfjbalsdkjgoi48t094y...button mashing...TRY IT!!!



Current Time: 11:47

Current Mood: Energized/lazy...contradiction much?

Current Song: Nothing Better (Postal Service)


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o2;o1;o6



Yea i'm pretty sure I gave up on this webpage stuff for a long time. Maybe not gave up but I was moving and everything was so hectic and now I started school again so right now i'm actually in career exploration looking at all this stuff on the comp. It's soooooo boring. I passed all my classes though which is pretty sweet. So i've been doing nothing lately. Drank a few times and hung out with people and thats about all. So this entire Brianna thing is sooooo weird. I love her ot death but I really can't let go of shit. I know its not a good trait but we let it get to the point where everything is awkward now and although I really want to hang on to her friendship, sometimes I have to think about what it is that i'm hanging onto. Ah well, we'll just have to see what happens. I say that a lot but its true. I'm definatly the type of person who lives day to day and I really don't have a plan for anything. Some people have everything set in stone for the rest of their lives but not me. I just hope to graduate and then my life is an open book from there. EXCITING!!!



Current Time: 3:16

Current Mood: Bored...22 minutes till class ends

Current Song: Addiction (Kanye West...sweetttttt)