Common Sense Is Not So Common

My dog is the cutest thing ever.

When there are sirens outside, she stands on her hind legs and imitates the sirens, making this long drawn out bark/whine that sounds, oddly enough, like a siren. I FREAKING LOVE HER. I walked her twice today and if I wasn't so lazy, I'd go walk her again.

I finished watching the International today... since yesterday I fell asleep (it was 3am, it was to be expected). I just gotta say... WHAT IS WITH THESE ENDINGS PEOPLE?

Yesterday I watched Revolutionary Road and today the International and neither of them had Hollywood endings. On a good day, I'd be all for it... I welcome movies that are unexpected and break the mold... however, seeing as that I just want a feel good movie, I should have stuck with.... I dunno, something that makes me feel warm and fuzzy! 17 Again would have done the job... it's not on DVD...so would "He's Just Not That Into You." I've seen that twice this week though...

So, awkward movies prevail, while I run around my house, bored as shit, belting out the lyrics to "I Say A Little Prayer For You."

I RUN FOR THE BUS DEAR
WHILE RIDING, I THINK OF US DEARRRRR

I've also ran around the house singing "Shiny Toy Guns." The song "Rainy Monday" owns my life...actually, all of their songs are freaking awesome.

Also, this Black Eyed Peas song is AMAZING! It's one of those songs that you just wanna cruise down the road listening to, with your hair blowing in the wind and a huge smile on your face! It's not BEP's usual stuff.



I'm always addings song to my playlist of "getting ready" music. You know, that feel good music that makes you want to put on your party dress and have the best night of your life.

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Why do so many of my posts include music? Probably because that shit makes the WORLDDDDDD go 'round.

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I've got another AMAZING quote!

"Sometimes a man can meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it."

This quote is from the International and when I heard it, it immedietely stuck. I may not be one of those people who is openly religious, or spiritual, or anything. I don't group myself or give myself a title, because in my mind, when I admit to the world that I buy into one thing, all of a sudden, it's 'wrong' if I still believe in another. I do believe in a lot of stuff though. I love religion, I love that 'what if's' that are presented throughout history, in the present and in the future. I'm a total contradiction; a realist who believes in the possibility of anything.

I guess I'm saying all of this because I'm a believer in fate. And when I say that, I don't take it any which way. I don't necessarily believe that we have a predestined fate, just like I don't necessarily believe that we make our own fate. I think a combination of the past, the present and the future, work alongside our environment, our body, our minds, our beliefs. I think that, literally, our entire life plays a part in our fate. You may say 'WHAT THE FUCK' are you talking about, but I just can't pinpoint my entire existance, my entire fate, on one thing or another. I can't contribute it all to one experience or moment. I can't leave it in God's hands or will myself to find the path that the rest of my life is on.

That's why I like that quote so much... To me, some people try SO HARD to run from their destiny (fate)...that they'll stop at nothing. They were told or meant to believe, or it was learned, that THIS is what would become of them in the future. This being anything imaginable, anything that a person does NOT want.

People will ALSO, at the same time, try so hard to FIND their fate (destiny). Someone told them, or they woke up one day BELIEVING so hard, with their entire being, that they were meant for something in particular.

Both of these things annoy me... because, whether or not your destiny is preconceived by God or any other higher being, or you make your own fate, one way or another, it's there... it doesn't matter whos hands, the rest of your life is in, the point is, is that it's uncontrollable. If there were no options in life, no forks in the road... no regrets, and lessons learned, maybe I would buy into certain things that other people follow... but I can't. My ability to question and choose... and contemplate the universe, has made me believe that nothing is absolute... I'm going to contradict myself again by ALSO saying "everything is absolute."... we just have it backwards. You think to yourself "I'm going to get married and have kids, that, I am absolutely sure of." NO, NO YOU'RE NOT SURE OF IT. What if in your next moment, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time and got killed, what if you had a life altering experience five years down the road that made you join the Convent? There is absolutely no way of controlling life. Unless you're stripped of the ability to think and question... you will never be able to control things. I mean, you can try and maintain a path to the things you want out of life, and yea, you might get what you want, but don't ever, for a second, think that everything you got, which was everything you wanted, was by your hand... was by the fate that you controlled.

That's where the nothing is absolute comes into play....where does the everything is absolute fall? I guess, that would fall into life... overall. The fact that you're here, living, breathing... is absolute. When you wake up, turn on your computer, THAT is absolute. The fact that we can not alter the thoughts that have already entered our minds, and we cannot undo the action from 30 seconds, 30 hours or 30 days ago... all of this, is already determined...no takebacks. Unles of course you buy into that Vanilla Sky bullshit.

I make no sense, I realize... these are literally, me trying to sort out my thoughts... on the computer. And I think, that by having the courage, to admit that I'm throwing things out there that I don't understand... is a pretty good accomplishment. Some people will go their whole lives publicly buying into something while secretly questioning things and they'll never admit it to themselves. It's just a facade... I know I'm not the only person who has fucked up thoughts that are ALLLLLL OVER the place. To me, that thought itself, is very refreshing.


WHEW, all that from a quote... can you tell how bored I am?!?!

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I think it's almost time for food, I'm hungry.

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Tomorrow I have to write a letter of monumental proportions to my boss(es). They're either going to understand, or they're not... I've gotta get over the fact that this CAN'T be the end of the world. If I can't attend TwiCon, or go to the movies, I can't let my life revolve around those possibilities, or I'm going to make myself depressed. There are other jobs out there...and who knows, maybe I'll get a positive response, maybe I'll get hired elsewhere in a flash. Ummm, HI OPTIMISM, I've been looking for you!

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The only thing that I'm sure of, is that I still want to just be anywhere but here. My life is not a cubicle, or endless days on the computer. Some people are content with that shit, and that's fine. To each their own... that's just not me. I want to peer over the Cliffs of Moher...and experience a Turkish bath. I want to take a picture of where the Berlin wall once stood and bitch about the temperature in Egypt as I look at the pyramids. I want to set foot on every continent... I don't care if I hate the spicyness of Asian food, or I'm not accustomed to the traditional clothing of an area, still want to experience it.

Right now I'm going to settle for the UK & Ireland... I say settle in the best possible sense. I can't have it all right now, but I can start somewhere!


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I've also come to the conclusion that I can NEVER live by myself. My parents go away and I get eerily creeped out... even if my brother is downstairs, I just feel eerie. I was one of those people growing up, who was surrounded by noise and people. When I was little, I had a small tv in my room that didn't even have cable. I would fall asleep to infromercials. I'm generally unable to fall asleep without noise, it's weird. Whether I'm listening to the sounds outside or in my house, or music, or whatever... I LIKE NOISE. If there is noise, I can fall asleep in 2.5 seconds. Not even kidding you. I've fallen asleep at movies, concerts, parties... you name it.

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UMMM HIILOVEYOU! YUM!