You'll never change whats been and gone

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ATTN: The following blog is somewhat of a rant, but what else is new?


Okay, so I'll start out by saying that the following paragraphs are indeed about Twilight and just fandoms in general.

I have been part of the Twilight fandom for about a year now. It's all been a very new experience. In the past, I've never latched on to big "crazes" or become part of any "fandoms." When I was younger, I was very, very much into BSB, N'Sync, Britney, The Spice Girls, you name it... but that was when I was much younger and it was more of a "dance in my room, choreographing dances and using a hair brush as my microphone." The internet wasn't a huge outlet to establish a fan base and unless they were coming to perform, I didn't interact with other fans ever.

As I got older and new people, places, things started trending, I started backing off even more. By the time I was in junior high, I was kind of a rebel, so hanging out with boys, drinking, drugs consumed a lot of my life. I didn't really have time to become obsessed with anything.

When I got to high school, I had already put myself in a long term relationship and I was busy really diving into the "local scene." I went to a lot of concerts that housed local bands and really kept to group of friends. Even as far as clothing styles go, I never got attached to anything. I have always and will always wear what I like and what is comfortable. I have lucked out this season beacuse the style of dresses that I love and plaid have both been in style, so I've been shopping like crazy. But don't expect me to wear skinny jeans because they're cool, or adopt the boho look because it's in, that's just not me...

And that's exactly how I felt with fandoms... and I'm talking about ALLLLLL fandoms. You have ones in movies like Harry Potter, Twilight, Scarface, Fight Club, Kevin Smith movies, etc. You have sports, you have books, clothes, music, people... anything.

Throughout my different phases, I dabbled in things that I enjoyed... and that had quite a number of followers, but I found that I ALWAYS got annoyed. I'm not going to say that I particularly wanted to go "against the grain" and "hate" something because it was popular, but I just genuinely, got annoyed. It was just the things that became associated with whatever or whoever was popular at the time... for example, the Paris Hilton craze...nothing against the girl, but the saying "that's hot," I wanted to shove that saying into a herpes infested garbage can.

So now that I AM a part of a fandom, I've really seen the inner workings of what goes on with everything from merchandise to fans to any and everything... I've come to the conclusion, that even though I'm so obsessed with Twilight, I still hate fandoms.

Before I rant forever, I want to talk about fans first of all. Most of them, a lot of them, have really good intentions, but then there are the handful who are FUCKINGA ANNOYING. Specifically talking about the Twilight fandom they come like this:

the long term fans: fans that read the books years ago and therefore think that because they stumbled upon it first, this makes them some sort of unsung "true fan." You can usually hear these types say... "I was first and foremost a Twilight fan, before Robert Pattinson was even cast, I'm a true fan, not like the phonies."

Please explain to me WHAT THAT MEANS?!?! I wasn't aware that because you read the book either a few months or a few years before someone else that you're more dedicated and loyal... Everything and everyone has to establish a fanbase and a following somewhere... it's just a way of life and it doesn't make you more dedicated!

the bandwagon jumpers: fans that have not read the book but yet can justify their love for Twilight... or at least think they can. Sorry, but Edward Cullen aka Robert Pattinson is NOT justification for Twilight in general.

When I say bandwagon jumpers, I'm not talking about people that who have read the book a week ago and have fell in love with it. Seriously, I encourage anyone who hasn't read the book to find out how awesome it is, but I'm talking about the people who have nothing better to do other than get involved in a fandom. The ones who see an actor/actress in a magazine, think they're good looking and then all of a sudden "omg, i luff twilight." Why? "Ummm because it's fucking sweet!" WRONG ANSWER

The Twi...older people?: These are the people who act superior to the younger Twilight fans. Mostly young teenagers... you can usually hear them saying things like "if any of those 13year old fangirls scream in the movie, I will kill them."

I must have heard that a million times and what's funny to me, is I've seen the movie 9 times in theatres and I interact with older fans all the time and I can honestly say, that stereotyping the younger crowd as the loud, rowdy ones is bullshit. There is NO age range that should carry the brunt of being labelled the "fan girls." Another thing with the older audience is that they tend to be smug when talking about Twilight. Like their age and "wisdom" gives them some sort of unspoken understanding for the book/movie that younger people wouldn't get. Drives me mental. Again, when I say older people, it's the only way I can explain it. I'm generalizing a ton so if you're older, please don't automatically group yourself in with what I'm talking about. You'll know if you do this or not.

The "dedicated" fans: I guess I could group myself into this category since I have a website and shit, but whatever. These are the fans that maybe... own a site or belong to a community, write fan fiction, collect merchandise out of the ass, attend conventions, be the first in line to watch the movie, etc, etc.

Some of these people automatically think because they devote more time, energy, effort, money, whatever...then OTHER people, that somehow, they love the book/movie more. I don't think it works like that. There are bands that I haven't listened to in ages, books I've never bothered to look up online and devote time and energy to... does this make me less of a fan? The fact that you became involved in something period is enough... people can appreciate and devote themselves to something that they're fond of from a distance. They don't have to start up a website or join a forum to appreciate it as much as the person who does those things.

The "die hard" fans: These are the ones that anger meeeeee a lot. They value twilight above all else. There is no room for interpretation or argument. Twilight is "the best" and that's all that matters. Okay, yes, I completely agree with the fact that it makes no sense to hate on a people or thing just because. However, I have talked to people that aren't a fan of the movie and or the book for a number of reasons and they give very good arguments. You have to accept that not everyone is going to love what you love and vice versa. Twilight isn't for everyone and if you try and force it on people, it'll only make them retaliate more. Yes, there are some people who are rude, give horrible arguments, but that's not everyone. We get angry because dumb Twilight haters come to the sites we love and spam us and put the book/movie down but did you know that there are twilight fans who go to sites that reflect twilight negatively and invade their forums and talk about how awesome Twiligt is. Now that is a double standard. Those are the people giving us a bad name, just like the idiots that we talk to are the ones that give the people who don't like twilight, a bad name. Make sense.

I could go on and on and rant and rant but I'll end it there... I myself, am both victim and suspect to one or more of these groups. I try and stay neutral, but I've let myself slip, I admit. I don't mean to put specific people down and if this post offends you, it obviously means you belong in one of these groups, which is fine, it's whatever, I'm just telling you that this is what I hate about the fandom.

I also hate how much I am judged. I have a poster on the wall, I'm attending a convention, yada yada and all of a sudden I am nerdy?!?! Last time I checked, I'm the same person. I'm proud to talk about two of my best friends whom I met online. I'm also proud to say that I go out dancing and drinking. I hate the fact that I'm judged because of something that I like.

I started writing this blog today off of something really not related... and then it just strayed from there. Might as well touch on that topic for a second.

The reason that I was originally annoyed is because... I really believe that I am what I am and we are what we are. Don't try to atler, change, of hide behind things that aren't true.

There are a lot of definitions of the word "fan." I call myself a fan... because when it comes down to it, that's what I am...Anything or anyone that I appreciate, essentially, I am a fan or them or it. I am a Twilight, Cam Gigandet fan... obviously. Could you call me obsessive over my Cam obsession... quite possibly. I have a cutout, pictures, my screen saver, whatever else. The truth is, I adore him. I think he is a gorgeous individual and as long as he making movies and not publicly announcing that he is a nazi or a baby hater or anything weird, than I'll probably be a fan of his.

Recently, when it comes to the cast of the Twilight movie, people talk about "fangirls," fans in general and whatever else. And now I've started hearing... "I'm a follower, NOT a fan. I appreciate him, I just want to give him a hug and tell them that he/she is an amazing actor, musician, artist, etc.... but I'm NOT a fan."

UMMM... FAIL, EPIC FAIL, YOU FAIL SO FUCKING BAD I CAN'T EVEN STAND IT! What would you call yourself? Someone that you've NEVER met whom you enjoy their movies and or music... you "appreciate" and "respect" them... I think all of those are SYNONYMS for fan!

It seriously drives me mental when people try to set themselves aside using different words that may throw others astray. It doesn't work, I can see right through you and I think it's kind of pathetic.

I could talk about this more but than I'd just start naming names and being a total cunt and that is not something I really want to do publicly. I'll save that for the likes of Skype.


OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...

/end rant


Maybe I'll talk about happy things. I officially have 17 more hours of work left... and then I'll never come back to this place AGAIN! Whew, I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm happy. I'm going to make everything work out becauseeeee, that's what I do!

My butt still kind of hurts from hiking. My legs didn't hurt at all, just my ass... go figure.

I only have 3 FULL days left till I see Megan and Ape's face! I have some of today (saturday) left... then all of sunday, monday, tuesday and then ...BAM, it's Wednesday and I'm landing in rainy Seattle! So. Fucking. Excited. My goal is to take 200 pictures per day... so I'll come home with 1400 fotos and hopefully, they won't all be of Megan's forehead this time.


I think yer cute.

Also, I've resorted to the improper spelling of words... I'm doing it to annoy people... and because I've decided that I like to convey exactly who I am in person, online...therefore... I type like I talk... all the time.

Your = yer
Fuck = Feck
What = wut
Done = dun

You get the point. It's funny too, because I've been told that over enunciate my words, when usually, most of the time, I'm lazy and speak like the above.

"Wut the feck, I can't even esplain how much I LUFFFFFFFF Ryan Reynolds."

Get it? I think this phase will pass, but it's fun annoying people. The horrible thing is, I'm completely playing off of Megan so I'm not sure when it will stop. I'll start saying random shit and get her going and vice versa... same with Sam... I never said stupid shit like... "latah" and "lovah" and other things with an ah until Sam started...and now I can't stop.

I hate my friends.

Apparently Court reads my blogs, if that's true, Court you must reply to this saying... "Jessica is fucking sweet. The new grey and black dress that she is wearing today looks WUNDERFUL!"

This blog has turned into a novel...might as well keep going.

Dear Priceline...we're fighting.

Dear Sam...I luff joo

Dear Megan...I will cut you open and sleep inside of you

Dear PE... I hope they find some part of you that was made with lead and do a massive recall. That would make my life!

Dear ER... Are you guys starring in that new flick yet where y'all play twinsies?!?!

Dear werk... you smell

OMFG, I just found a 5 cent candy in my purse from last night... brb while I eat the fuck out of it!

So... good.

HE SAYS, SON, CAN YOU PLAY ME A MEMORY?
I'M NOT REALLY SURE HOW IT GOES.
BUT IT'S SAD AND IT'S SWEET AND I KNEW IT COMPLETE,
WHEN I WORE A YOUNGER MANS CLOTHES...

SING US A SONG, YOU'RE THE PIANO MAN.

I want to be off of work so that I can do something INTERESTING!

/end long ass blog.